Express personal responsibility for your actions and outline the steps you have taken to repair the damage. Taking full responsibility, regardless of circumstances, is key in an amends letter. By clearly stating your commitment to change and the actions you’ve undertaken, you can convey sincerity and accountability effectively.
- Eventually you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles.
- Guilt and shame are the unnecessary chains that bind us to our past.
- Living amends is a concept linked to addiction recovery and part of the twelve-step program for sober living.
- It lets others know that you’re not going to repeat the same mistakes repeatedly by offering them a way to avoid having to deal with your apologies every week or two.
- It’s hard work, but it’s the sort of hard work that leads to growth.
- David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning.
Commit to living a sober and honest life
But remember, being intentional and realistic is a big part of making impulsive promises or actions. An effective acknowledgment is free from excuses, focusing solely on the harm caused rather than attempting to justify the behavior that led to it. Acknowledging the damage caused, though challenging, is a critical step for our recovery. Through guidance, education and therapy, FHE Health can help a person begin to rebuild their relationships with self and others. Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in living amends aa recovery. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
Step nine, in particular, gets people to work through shame and discomfort as they meet people they’ve hurt face-to-face to apologize. An apology here would be considered part of a person’s direct amends. Discover when living amends are the right choice, what they involve, and how to genuinely repair relationships through ongoing actions. Undoubtedly, you, too, have a list of ways in which you want to live out your living amends, and that’s great! The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you.
Start With a Thoughtful Apology
In the making of an amend, be prepared for a variety of reactions including acceptance, indifference, or even outright hostility. It’s definitely central to respect the desires of individuals who opt out and to concentrate on your recovery, rather than on achieving forgiveness or easing personal guilt. Next, your amends script should also encompass the expression of heartfelt regret. This involves showing that one’s actions now align with their intentions, as opposed to the misalignment or downright manipulations that often occur during active addiction.
- Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make.
- Be honest and outline the steps to be taken for demonstrating that behavior is changing.
- Each treatment plan can meet the unique needs of each client.
That reason is that each step provides the spiritual preparation we’ll need for the following steps. Never in a million years would we ever have imagined during our using days that we would one day be able to sit down with the people we’ve harmed and make direct amends! This would not be possible without the spiritual preparation we received from the previous steps.
However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine Sober living house for some. Many times, these kinds of promises serve to alleviate the wrongdoer’s guilt and so that they can say they apologized before their loved one died. With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors.
